Love you always our sweet Gunner

    As I sit here writing this, I'm crying my eyes out. We lost our precious dog, Gunner. Its like losing a family member, he was such a big part of our life. I've never been loved by any animal, like he loved me. I never loved an animal, as much as I loved him. The saying " a dog is a mans best friend", isn't even true when it came to Gunner. He was so much more than that. Not having him here, I feel like there such a huge chunk missing out of our lives, a hole in our hearts. Our house feels empty. He was our baby. I've lost MANY of pets. Gunner is just so different, very different. He was the start of our relationship, he was my present from RJ the Christmas before he left for Iraq, so I could have something to cuddle with.  We were everything to Gunner, and he was everything to us. He didn't deserve a death like this. It was so unexpected. It still hasn't even hit me, that he isn't coming back home to us. 

    Tuesday at 5:30, RJ came home. I came home from a friends house at 6:00. When RJ got home, Gunner greeted him at the door like he always does, but when he turned to close the door, Gunner must of ran out. RJ didn't realize it at all. Gunner was use to slipping out the door when RJ would come home, and I wasn't home. Usually if we both are not home, it means we are together. He loved to slip past RJ and meet me on the stairs. So when I got home at 6:00, Gunner didn't greet me at the door and have his usual " I haven't seen you in a year"crazy attack, I then asked RJ "where is Gunner?". That's when we knew he wasn't in the house. So we went outside yelling his name around the neighborhood. He didn't come. RJ then hopped in the truck to go drive around and call him. I started to go door to door at the apartments. I had 3 neighbors tell me that they saw him around 6ish, they said " he's a very friendly dog". Thinking back on it, I know I shouldn't be mad at them, but part of me wants to go ask them ,why they didn't pick him up if they thought he was so friendly. Why not try to find the owner? I know it isn't there fault. It's just my hurt heart that feels this way. RJ is very upset about it too. This one lady told me, that she saw him about 15 minutes before I knocked on her door. So my hopes were getting high. Then I knocked on the office door, and the cleaning lady that just got there came out. I asked her if she seen a small dog that's mostly black. Then she hit me with it. She said " I don't want to scare you, but when I was driving here, I saw a black dog or cat dead in the median right up on that road". My heart sank, and I immediately broke out in tears again, right in front of her. RJ pulled the truck over when he saw me leaving the office, I told him what she said. So he left to go see what happen. But, I didn't give up. I went searching, and yelling, and kept knocking on doors. Then I heard RJ's truck coming up behind me, and I turned around, he had the window rolled down. I already knew what he was going to say before he did. He said "baby, Megan, get in the truck, its time to go home". I broke down, right there in the rain in the middle of the street. I yelled " RJ please don't tell me, please don't tell me, not gunner. please not gunner" I've never broke down like that. It took me about 5 minutes for me to even get into the truck. I didn't want it to be real.  I finally got into the truck, and RJ's holding Gunners collar with tears rolling down his eyes. He kept saying " I'm so sorry", over and over again.  It made me cry even harder. Gunner was in the bed of the truck, RJ wouldn't let me look at him, part of me didn't want to, the other part wanted to, just to make sure it was him. RJ just grabbed me and walked me up stairs to the apartment. He went straight for his army closet and grabbed his shovel.  I didn't want him buried here, I begged RJ to not bury him. "I'm not ready to say goodbye" I kept saying hysterically. I wanted him buried down at my parents house, so we'll always him, and we could go see him whenever we wanted. But there's noway we could do that. RJ and I gathered Gunner's jacket that he loved to wear, we grabbed his favorite toys,  his octopus, army dog, and bone. We wanted them buried with him. Right before RJ walked out the door we just looked at each other and he hugged me hard, and we just sobbed together. He buried Gunner in the woods close to our apartments, he made a cross to put on it for now, I'm going to make something else to put on it instead later. RJ said when he dug the hole, and before he put Gunner in the garbage bag, he just held him for minutes, telling him how sorry we are, and how much we loved him. He couldn't put him in the hole, It took everything out of him to put him in it. When he got home, it was like we were in a daze, and all we could do was hold each other on the couch for hours and cry. We cant get over that it all happen under an hour. He was out less than an hour!!!  Things happen so fast. I don't want to walk or go anywhere. Everything reminds me of him. He followed me everywhere I went, no matter where it was. Even in the bathroom, he would sit on the carpet. EVERY TIME. I cried  non stop after it happen, till I fell asleep at 3:30 and got up with RJ for pt at 4:45. I can't help but still cry. 

    We could never have another animal that would ever replace him! Ever! Its so weird to go to bed, without him cuddling up on us, inching his way to our pillows. Just craving for our okay to lay by our heads. Which we gave into, almost every night. We kept our blinds open up a little everyday , because he loved to watch us leave, and sit there till we got back. He was so happy to hear the beep of our locked truck when we would come home. He would act like he hasn't seen us forever, each time we came in. Even if we were only gone for 5 minutes. Its been so rough since this happen. I just want to put his food out, because he is coming home. We still cant swallow the idea that he's gone forever. RJ and I have our break downs all throughout the day, and can't drive down the road where it happen. He was honestly the best dog we have ever known. I could never ask for a better dog than him, he was perfect to us.

    We understand that everything happens for a reason. It's all a part of the Lords plan, and He has everything under control. We may never know why God let Gunner leave us, but we know there is a reason. We can't help but beat ourselves up about this, but it happen for a reason, we have to remind ourselves about this all throughout the day. 

    RJ has been my rock through all of this. He's been so strong, but I know it hurts him so much, just as much as it does me. I could never ask for a better life partner than him. I thank the Lord for giving me such a great, tender hearted, strong, and compassionate man.
   My parents helped us out alot too. It means so much to us. I have such a hard time thinking about moving, and us leaving Gunner behind. My dad gave me peace about it though, he told me " Megan, thats his home, thats where the Hairs lived, thats all he knew. Coming to Charleston was just a visit, not going home.". We will come and visit him when we can. It just hurts us a lot to not have him. We're going to make a shadow box of him with his collar when we feel like we're up to it. 

    Gunner, we will miss you and think about you everyday. You were our baby. I know you would of been such a great dog to Lee. Best of buds, I know it.  You will never be forgotten, ever! You left such a great impression on everyone you came across. You'll always have a part of our hearts. Gunner we love you.

This was taken on 1-20-11. I miss him so much

Taken on 1-22-11, he loved that bed so much.

This was so hard to write. I just wanted to say how much he meant to us. I'm sorry if there is any grammatical errors. I wrote this fast. So I wouldn't forget anything

We'll see you again our little Gunner. <3 As daddy(RJ) says " Jesus needed the best dog out there". You were by far the best. 

We know your always with us no matter where we go.

Love you always our sweet Gunner,

your mom.


9.1.08-1.26.11